The Million Dollar Hanbok
Yesterday, I wore a Hanbok for the first time.
As someone who was born and raised in the United States with a mixed heritage, I have always struggled to feel a true sense of belonging and connection to my cultural roots. My relationship with my Korean identity has been particularly complex and challenging to navigate. Growing up, I felt like I had to choose between fitting in with the exclusive Korean cliques or distancing myself from my culture altogether. On one hand, I was obsessed with Korean dramas and spent hours with my Korean grandmother learning how to make her famous Kimbap. But on the other hand, I felt like I had to shrink myself in social settings to avoid being pigeonholed as the “Asian one.” It’s a feeling that many of us can relate to — the pressure to assimilate and the fear of being seen as different. But wearing a Hanbok made me feel like I was finally reclaiming my cultural identity and celebrating the unique parts of myself that make me who I am.
I always knew that wearing a Hanbok would be a powerful way to connect with my Korean heritage. After all, I grew up surrounded by them — the women in my family would wear their beautiful Hanboks for special occasions and events. But I never thought I could pull it off. The idea of wearing such a culturally significant garment made me feel like an imposter, like I wasn’t “Korean enough” to do it justice.
I was wrong.
As I slipped into that Hanbok for the first time, it was like I was stepping into a time machine. The intricate designs and vibrant colors transported me to a place of deep connection with my heritage — a part of myself that had been neglected for far too long. Suddenly, all the doubts and insecurities I’d been carrying around melted away. It was as if this traditional Korean dress was a magical shield, protecting me from the imposter syndrome that had always haunted me. As I twirled in front of the mirror, I felt like I was embodying a physical manifestation of my ancestors’ struggles and triumphs. The weight of their dreams and aspirations, their blood, sweat, and tears, was suddenly palpable. The Hanbok wasn’t just a dress — it was a tangible representation of the rich history and traditions of Korea. And in that moment, I felt a newfound pride in my cultural heritage and a deep sense of belonging.
Like many others in this world, the pressure to assimilate into Western culture while simultaneously trying to honor my family’s heritage has left me feeling lost and disconnected. It’s a topic that definitely deserves a separate blog post. Still, I’ll say this: the consequences of Westernization and the patriarchy have plagued generations, and self-loathing has been passed down like a curse.
Growing up, I witnessed firsthand the devastating effects of internalized racism and self-loathing in the lives of my grandmother and mother. Both women felt the weight of Western standards/expectations and the pressure to assimilate, leading to a deep sense of shame about their own culture and physical appearance. My grandmother would constantly criticize her dark skin and curly hair, wishing for the light skin and straight hair that society deemed more beautiful. My mother would straighten her hair and wear makeup to conceal her Asian features, feeling that they made her stand out too much in a predominantly white society. Their struggles with self-acceptance and self-love have left a lasting impact on me and have fueled my desire to break the cycle of internalized racism and self-hatred. It’s not easy, and there are still moments where I find myself falling into the same thought patterns and beliefs. But I’m determined to unlearn the harmful messages that have been passed down to me and instead celebrate the richness and diversity of my heritage. I know that by doing so, I’m not only honoring my ancestors but also paving the way for future generations to embrace their identities with pride and confidence. I am committed to healing and showing up as my most authentic self, with all the layers of my culture intact.
Living in a more globalized society, it’s essential that we celebrate our differences and embrace our unique identities. Cultural identity is complex and multifaceted, and it’s possible to connect with and appreciate our heritage without feeling like an imposter. Wearing cultural attire is just one example of a powerful way to explore and connect with our roots. It’s not just a piece of clothing, but a symbol of pride, a reminder of our ancestors, and a celebration of our culture.
In the end, I realized that cultural appreciation and understanding is not something that can be taught or learned through books or lectures, but rather through experiencing it firsthand.
Wearing the Hanbok wasn’t just a fashion statement or a cultural experience for me, it was a million-dollar opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. I gained a newfound appreciation for the traditions and customs of Korean culture and the people who cherish them. It was a humbling reminder of the beauty and richness of the many cultures that coexist in our world and the privilege that comes with being able to celebrate and embrace all of them. Through the inner work, reflection, and learning that I’m committed to engaging in, I hope to break the cycle of self-loathing and internalized racism that has plagued generations before me and inspire future generations to stand tall and proud in their own skin.
